I’m sure you guys have heard of the term, “woke” in reference to anybody who sees the world in the realistic light that most of the world is too brainwashed to see. I mean what’s portrayed in the media is mostly what we chalk up as true information, but then there’s people out there who just know the fucking real deal. What this world really is and how it got here. How fucked we really are. Depressing right?
I remember when I had my first real ‘love’ and it was with another woman. I had dated men before, but never experienced this kind of connection that would fuck up my entire world. I hated myself for feeling so vulnerable over another human being. I guess I was so used to being in control of my emotions because boys never got to me. She ruined me and I ruined myself over how weak I was about it. You know that feeling of stupidity over how vulnerable you are? This was my first ever slap in the face with vulnerability being used against me. Ever since then I had this new, depressing, realist, ‘woke’ outlook on the concept of love and affection between two or more people. Most of you may disagree with this and my definition of ‘woke’, so let me just give this disclaimer:
I don’t give a fuck.
So, what if love is just like the fight or flight system we have made up in our bodies for survival? Yeah, think about that one. I mean, think about it. Our brains are so fucking smart. Sometimes our body has to take over for our own security. You remember all the fundamental needs of a human being we learned in psychology class years ago…what was it…Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Thats right.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Brecon Beacons Hillwalking
Yeah, well you get it. We’re needy-ass people and right in the center is love and affection. It’s a basic ‘need’ for our survival.
Love is fun and releases good feels and chemicals, for sure, so why do I think it’s for suckers? Why do my thoughts acknowledge its poetic existence in our survival, but still feel like it’s a total scam? When I asked myself, “How can we be sure the Maslows Heirarchy of Needs is even true?” I thought about the people who go hold drug addicted babies so that they can survive…about how babies need the warmth or affection literally to survive. That blows my mind.
In the article,“How Important is Physical Contact With Your Infant?”
they say that just skin-to-skin contact can help “speed their development and recognition of self”. This section clears it all up for me,
“What is happening in the body—of both parent and child—when there is skin-to-skin contact?
From the mother’s perspective, it probably releases oxytocin. On the behavioral level, if you have a baby that is more relaxed and sleeping better, that’s going to relax the mother more.
The newborn is coming out of a very restrictive environment, so anything that simulates that comforts them. Being touched or hearing a heartbeat is familiar because they heard it in the womb.”
So, it appears it’s more about the brain functions and how they react with the body’s sense of calm. If we learn as infants to feel calm by familiarity and safeness, is that what we carry on with us in the need for physical/emotional relationships with lovers? If the true reason our minds search for love is because it reminds us of a safe, happy, calm, serenity that we once needed at extreme, helpless levels as a baby…I get it.
That explains toxic relationship after toxic relationship. Like maybe how if you grew up in a home where there wasn’t a lot of love, you may grow up loving too much in compensation or possibly even shunting it out completely and hurting people like your parents hurt you. Our emotions dictate our whole lives and that’s really crazy to think about because I think I’m fucking crazy.
But my heart still feels it a sham…even though we need it and were taught on it. Maybe it’s the partner choices that I’ve made in my past.
So, what would Maslows Heirarchy of Needs be for a relationship with another human being?
if there are five levels starting from the bottom being the most dire, absolute needs…
the first layer would be…? Subjective? Or is this Objective?
has already posted their own heirarchy of needs for Marriage..
“Marriage Survival Needs: You must be legally married (in the eyes of the State or Church), have a mutual agreement to be married, live in the same house or at least have regular contact with your spouse. You don’t have to love or even like your spouse to have a marriage in survival mode, you simply need to maintain your status as married.
Marriage Safety Needs: To feel safe with each other, you take care of and provide comfort to one another, create a home, have financial security, mutual trust, mutual honesty, protect one another physically, mentally and emotionally, and create an abuse-free environment within the marriage.
Marriage Love Needs: Mutual love is an obvious requirement to have a marriage that operates from this level. Kindness, compassion, companionship, intimacy, affection, sex (love-making) are also important factors here.
Marriage Esteem Needs: To reach this level, you need to have self-esteem and esteem of your spouse, mutual respect, honoring of commitments.
Marriage Actualization Needs: Because the lower needs have been met, one or both spouses can support each other to reach respective goals, each can sacrifice their own needs (to a healthy degree) for the bigger picture, they have maturity, they maintain a healthy balance in life, each feels a sense of fulfillment in life and they give back to the community.”
My question is, just because we’re older we need more than just a few snuggles regularly? Now we leveled up to Sex. We “NEED” sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but damn. When did we become so high maintenance for this. Did people get sadder and we needed a lot more Oxycontin released to sustain in today’s living? Fuck, I believe it.
This is honestly wearing me out thinking so hard about this.
I think, from what I’ve collected..I proved myself wrong. Love is okay. Love, like yoga, is a coping mechanism for stress relief. It also boosts our ego and who doesn’t like a little extra flattery in their day to day, monotonous lives. We just gotta be careful. Know where we come from. Being self-aware of what we actually NEED from what society is telling us. Be true to ourselves. Don’t be scared to love, but know at the end of the day we only have ourselves. Our true, living, breathing, selves that will survive when we get heartbroken. I just wish we weren’t all so dependent on other people. I wish it wasn’t so natural, I’d like the extra independence without being “heartless”. I’d like to choose when my feelings get hurt. I’d like that control back, but I aint never going back to men.